I hate whenever someone says the word “Drama”. Lately my life has been pretty calm, cool, dare I say even collected? Yet, I still have that other shoe to drop feeling. There’s no actual reason for me to feel this way; however, it’s difficult to separate previous experiences from now. I would hate to have to admit that I am one of those “Drama Queens” or that I actually feed off chaos; however, when the waters calm and you know the person you love is honest to a fault…there’s a small sense of unrest. I’m not going to scissor anything or cause a scene; however, as I venture into this new world of – what is said, is what is done… I find myself forced to recognize that craziness alley is in my rear view.
Whenever we lose something or change direction irrespective of the positive result – one still feels a void, loss. I suppose we tend to just get comfortable with something, despite its toxicity. I am not making this statement because I miss the chaos; however, at the same time it still renders adjustment time. Thoughts of can I exist in this state of calm, routine have surfaced periodically, nothing that would force me to change, yet – I make note of it only because it has crossed my mind.
As we live life things inevitably change – some for the better and some not-so-much; however, ever since the beginning of time – the change should NOT be the focus, but how you perceive it as that coupled with attitude are the only 2 things that you truly have control over. Even the worst ‘change’ can be positive IF you look at it in a positive light. Is this an arguable position, of course; however, remember that your position platform stems from your attitude & perception.
I am in love…. I am smitten and I am calm. I remember the days of lust, confusion and chaos; however, when the dust settles in this situation – I am alone. At current, I feel always with him, while we do spend all of our time together – we are also apart, the comfort of his care/love is still there and I do not need to be in front of him in order to feel it, know it. That’s the calm and in truth – that’s the love.