The Golden Rule is to treat others as you would like to be treated; however, despite that statement’s overall meaning, there is a twist to it when it comes to relationships….
I believe that you should be respectful not because someone else has been to you, but, because that is how you choose to behave. In fact, if someone should decide to be rude to you, that is not an open approval for you to be just as rude back. Yet, I am not here posting on social graces, but, on how The Golden Rule needs a little twist or explanation added to it, when it comes to women & men.
I like it when the man I am with will prod me a little if I appear that I do not want to talk about something OR perhaps, I am not quite sure what it is that is bothering me, yet, something is. That prodding is actually helpful to me in sorting things out and in truth it indicates to me that he actually cares; however, most men are the very opposite… if there’s something going on talking about it the second to last thing he wants to do the first is being asked or ‘prodded’ about it. Now, I know that The Golden Rule was originally said in regard to how someone treats another, yet, the aforementioned is like it or not a ‘treatment’. It could also be argued that it is a perception, but, let’s not get too drilled into details.
If I want to feel that I am loved and/or cared for by my partner, I would (initially) think that if he appears a bit off that I should engage in a conversation or at the very least try to determine what it is that is on his mind… for me that would show care.. concern, interest; however, to him, it’s nosy, intrusive and believe it or not the exact opposite of how I would perceive it. It’s hard to sit in the same room with someone when you know that something is wrong; however, they are more or less silent.
It’s not my issue at all; however, without knowing even the basis for the turmoil or issue, it is inevitable that I will think it has something to do with me. How can I be that vane? Not quite sure, but, without appearing too vane, I will say that if I have no idea what is going on.. there’s absolutely no way for me to know or not know if it has something to do with me or not…I hope that takes a little of the all about me stuff off the table.
The silence from the first night was understandable as the day did not start well; however, night two was a little off-putting as I could not imagine how I could have done a thing and yet, the avoidance, silence and overall demeanor were all too much to ignore. When we got to bed, I thought this is a safe place, this is where I actually feel most comfortable, perhaps this would be a good place in which to open up the dialogue… in keeping with what I’ve come to know, it is better to start out with “I feel… ” rather than an accusation or inquisitive start such as “What’s wrong with you?” or some variation thereof… Yet, my inquiry was met with…”You chose now that we’re in bed to talk about this….” This brings back a cute little discussion we had about why women want to argue in bed; however, in this particular situation it was not an argument at all that I was seeking… again, I made the error of thinking that he was me and trying to create what I would consider a safe place in which to share. I was incorrect, yet, once again.
In truth, he shared that something was going on (duh)… what it was I still have no clue; however, he was kind enough to share that it had nothing to do with me. I felt some comfort, yet, at the same time I regret that I had said anything at all. I suppose in his current state of mind anything that I would have or could have said would have been misunderstood …
I’ve never quite understood those that bottle everything up. I know it’s not healthy and in truth to some degree unfair.. not that I think the world needs to be even or fair, but, when it comes right down to it… If you keep someone in the dark, you truly cannot fault them for inquiring when it appears the balance has skewed itself immensely.
Well, whatever it is, it’s something; however, now that I know it has nothing to do with me… there’s really nothing for me to concern myself with. He’s more than capable, competent & able to tackle whatever it is that is ruminating through his mind… Now, I just need to treat him as he wants to be treated…versus how I would want to be in a same or similar situation…. So, you see The Golden Rule while still tried & true, needs a modification every once in a while depending on the situation and the gender.