No, not what you’re thinking….
Somewhere in time the title above would not be said by an Independent Woman… for fear that someone, anyone would think that she was weak, needy or a loser; however, after some internal thinking… I am more than OK in saying this… and in truth in feeling it.
If you want to remove a screw, you would ‘need’ a screwdriver to do that. If you want some groceries, you would ‘need’ some type of payment. If your lawn is getting long you would ‘need’ a lawnmower… I think you get the picture. How in any of these cases would making the statement: I need a …. screwdriver, money or lawnmower make you needy? It doesn’t …. and neither does my statement above.
I do not need a man in order to make me whole nor do I need a man to complete me; however, I need a man for personal companionship. One to spend time with. Someone that I find to be interesting, enjoyable and fun! I am still as confidant, happy and able without a man, yet, there’s no need for me to not be open, honest and realistic about what I want/need. Whew, is that a load off of my shoulders. I sure encourage other women to think about what I’ve said and my perception of it all.
Now, what type of man do I need? Not quite sure… as I really thought the sun & moon rose & set with Mr. Special. In many ways he was; however, here’s where he failed miserably…..presence. Mr. Special was not only MIA from me, but from himself. Without making it sound like I’ve dated a ton of people… I have noticed that number one Pilots and I have never really jived and the second runner-up are gents that jump out of perfectly good airplanes. I initially fell for Mr. Special and the way he was, yet, I find myself in fear that his status is directly related to his service. I have no reason to try and help nor will I, yet, it does bring to mind a larger concern and that is our poor treatment of Veterans.
I am not looking to ‘heal’ or even ‘help’ Mr. Special he is a person of past, yet, I do feel sorry for him and the life that he is set to live or perhaps it is not life at all.. just existence. Yuck!
I am perfectly content in being single and I must be honest, relieved that I finally received an actual answer from Mr. Special.. yet, I am also very happy that I have 23+ years as a woman that has raised a respectable son, has a strong professional background and an incredible network of family and friends…. I know many a woman that does not have their own goals… they still rely on others to do for them and/or make it happen; however, at this point in my life I can say that I need a man, yet, I have a history of personal achievement that I can reflect and build on. I am not positioning myself as anyone better than anyone else.. yet, when I think about some of the social landscape that I have seen from time to time, I can at least say that there are some that only have their ass in which to fall back on and that’s about it.
I need a man that is present… one that can speak and although my volunteer work is dedicated to many that are trapped within themselves.. that is not where I want my personal life to reside. In truth… life is full of so much and so many…. and that is yet another reason why it would be absolutely lovely… if I could share it, hand-in-hand with another.
There’s no telling, when and/or if it will happen; however, the first part to any goal is being open to it.