That Whitesnake song immediately comes to mind as I write this post….
Is this love that I’m feeling?
Is this the love that I’ve been searching for?
Is this love or am I dreaming?
This must be love ’cause it’s really got a hold on me
A hold on me
I’m not questioning my feelings…just putting it out there softly. I know it is… I can feel it. It’s not any one particular ‘thing’ that compels me to feel this way, yet’ it’s a natural, myriad of feelings that culminate into something simply beautiful. Sappy? Perhaps; however, sappy is what feeds the butterflies.
Last night while watching television I glanced over at him and just felt a rush of happiness! I’ve never been one for big to-do’s, but, I am definitely a woman that appreciates true emotion. Each time I looked over, I smiled as I watched him watch the screen.
Some would say, it’s way too early to feel this; however, I would politely disagree, no, in fact – I am not sure it would be polite at all. I’ve never been one to seek approval for how I feel and this very special feeling definitely needs no defense. I do, I love him! After a short nap he came into the room and said something very dear, I could feel the words stir within me and truth be told… I refrained from saying anything. I realize that this sounds as if I am hesitant and perhaps the rules of the outside world had a little bit of influence; however, I can feel it without saying it and in truth I bet he can already feel it. Yes, I will tell him…yet, there is no rush as it is not something that will go away… it can only grow!
Love is a funny thing. Do I have the universal definition? Nope, not at all; however, I have my feelings…. I have the utmost desire that each day he wakes, he is healthy & happy. I want the things in his life to go as he wishes them to and/or works for them to be. I will support him even if that means, by doing nothing at all. I appreciate what he has accomplished and what he has yet to achieve. I smile simply because I am able to get to know him. I laugh, not necessarily because of something funny he has said, but, because we share moment together. I am elated when he shares good news with me and affected when he shares something personal or painful. I joke with him solely to see that cute little smirk only he can muster and I lay next to him to feel yet another type of closeness. I love the person that he is and admire his unwavering honesty. He is a man I knew I could trust from almost the very start and I have no reason to doubt what he says. I love and enjoy how I can tell him anything and that when he says something I know it to be sincere, truthful and precise. He’s never been one to say something in pursuit of popularity and that is a trait I am absolutely wild about! His kisses are pure and when he holds my hand, well, I cannot even describe the feeling! Is this love? Yes! Is this everyone’s definition of love? Nope! It’s mine and he is the only person that causes all of these emotions in such a harmonious manner.
When will I tell him? Not sure…. it’s easy for so many to say “I love you”, yet, I think the true sentiment it better left unsaid for a period and that actions are still the primary way in which to express it. I love you can be said at anytime, by anyone and although I regard it as priceless.. I do believe that showing it always trumps saying it. I am not a Debbie-downer, but, merely pointing out that in a millisecond one can say I love you and while that may be very accurate, showing it has always been a more powerful medium.
Does he love me? Here’s the beauty about loving someone… they do not have to love you in order for you to love them. Yes, it would be nice if the feelings were mutual; however, in an earlier post I spoke about the true way in which to share your love… it is to be done or said without expectation that the sincere emotion will be returned. When you truly love someone… you just love them. If it is pure & true… then it cannot be tainted with the expectation that they are going to say: “I love you, too” – you cannot hang your emotion on that hook. You just can’t! It’s unfair and in my opinion… it isn’t love. My feelings and his are separate, we can feel something for the other, yet, just as he has his brain and I have mine, he has his own heart and I do, too. I can only speak from my mind, body & soul… as to how I feel and what I am experiencing and it’s love!
I had to express my feelings somewhere and those who read this have truly been supportive and kind…. I have refrained from writing as much about us as I prefer to keep it private, where it should be, yet, I am excited and wanted to share it somewhere. He, of course, is the true audience.
I have toiled about this blog a little and even the small snippets of which I have written about him. I have not kept anything from him, yet, I am not sure if he knows or remembers that I blog. I know I shared something early on, yet, because he has been mentioned… I suppose it is only fair that I revisit the conversation again. It is never my intent to share so much that a reader could walk right up to someone I’ve written about; however, for some blogging in code may appear too invasive or public. I’ve always said that this blog is for me, to allow my inner-writer to flow freely and to express myself, yet, there is some consideration in regard to those I write about. I guess I’ve never thought about how this blog or my writing may affect others simply because I have not felt this way toward another before. In truth, he has caused me to think about a lot of different things.
Rarely do I question what it is that I am doing; however, since meeting him I feel as if each step is new… uncharted waters…. I definitely know that my emotions are new, fresh – specific to him and I am sure that is the reason for the other things that appear familiar, yet, have that Mr. Cute twist to them. He is like no one I’ve ever met and I reserve a very special place in my heart for him. What I find most curious about this.. is that I’ve always believed in self-improvement, introspection and truly looking at myself in the mirror every once in a while and this blog has been quite instrumental in how I process various things.. and I find it very helpful, therapeutic and healthy..But, I do wonder if writing about Mr. Cute is appropriate. I know that I do not share concrete details… yet, I believe him to be a private person and much like me, he is as open as a book; however, that book is not left on a coffee table for any and all to peruse.
I suppose I could write about other things in my life, yet, as he becomes a bigger and bigger part of it… I am sure hints or snippets of him would appear. Yes, I have other interests and yes, I could write about animals, the military, photography etc. but, this blog has primarily been centered around my desire to meet that one special person in which to build an incredible foundation with. I am on a beautiful path one that definitely has a lot of excitement and …. Have I reached my final destination? Nope, not even close.. and it is this journey with Mr. Cute that I am so very excited & calm to partake in.