Recently someone told me that our relationship was ‘temporary’. I had to do everything I could to remain calm; however, after I had that not always taken ‘time-to-think’…. I realized how true that was. Life has a way of showing us just how ‘expendable’ we are. We all know that person who ran everyday, never lit a smoke nor touched a drop of liquor but dropped dead unexpectedly, whereas another person who can barely stumble to their home, lit cigarette hanging out of their lips and the scent of McDonald’s on their breath who is still staggering down the alley half past noon.
I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs for having something I value so very much be referred to as; temporary; however, he was right. Correct. We are all temporary. The vows are “until death do us part” – temporary. While supplies last – temporary. Despite the fairy tale of happily ever after, in truth – everything we know, hold dear is simply – temporary. I am nowhere near sad, suicidal or trying to be a doomer and gloomer, in fact, I am finding my own way in which to look at my temporary situation. I can stew and stare at how it’s temporary or I can value in the time I do have because it’s temporary. Which do I choose?
I want something irrevocable. I want to have a guarantee. I want to know it’s forever. I hate temporary! Hate it! Yet, I have to remember that temporary is all that any of us have. So, with my knowledge in tow, I seek to find a comfortable place in my temporary world.
There’s little comfort in knowing that the moments I dread are temporary too. Yet, how does one get their cake and eat it too? How does one savor the moments that are meant to last a lifetime knowing that they are mere snippets and temporary. How do I rush the moments that appear to linger on forever… I remember that they, too – are temporary.
Just hearing the word was enough to cause me to stew over the word. How could something so beautiful be trivialized with one word? Do I really want to spend this short amount of temporary time being angry… only to later have more time in which to reflect on how I did not savor each moment given? Yet, is it truly up to me to live under the radar, away from public knowledge and second myself to a non-deserving first? Do I merely walk away, knowing that I will not look back? I know that I am not one to re-open old wounds nor am I someone who can friendship an old flame, now extinguished….. I refuse to believe that I was given this opportunity only to walk from it; however, cavalier is not what I do well with. I am only one; however, I am the most important one to me.
I’ve made no decisions nor have I shown all my cards; however, the deck has been shuffled and it’s up to me… am I up for the rest of the game? After all, win, lose or draw – it’s temporary!