countryclaireI’ve decided to start a blog, my intent is to write daily; however, if I miss a day here or there, that is simply the way the cookie crumbles.  I have a sincere passion for writing… not much of a reader, yet, I feel such a release in writing.  There are situations that I can recall where I had more to say… without the opportunity OR events in which I think things could have been better.. yet, my input was not warranted, welcome or possible…. Each of us has experiences where we need to create a sequel for.  There are other moments in which, one simply wants to say something…but, perhaps to the masses of strangers rather than those close & known.  Yes, I know that by publishing a blog, connecting it to various social sites et al the ‘close & known’ can come across it…I’ve never married… I’ve spent a good portion of my adult-life raising my son, who is now a young 20-something… I know my role as Parent, Mom and every once in a while Mommy are not over… but, as he turns a fairly significant page in his life… I’m forced to as well.

I like to write about things, situations and people…. most of who are not close to me.  I’m fiercely protective and private about those closest to me.  I will share certain personal items, yet, will mask them simply because I value my relationship with them and consider my experiences of a close & personal nature – close & personal.

This blog was originally started on 11 June 2011…. and remained dormant for many months…. Over the very calm, winter months of 2011/2012, it was very sporadic… I did not experience the arctic cold as year’s past. Despite the very mild winter… cabin fever was still present.  In reading several different things thanks to Facebook and other social garb I started to think about my life overall.  I’ve never been dependent on men or a man; however, I definitely desire the companionship of another.  I am far from decrepit, yet, I am getting older and walking hand-in-hand with someone special is something that creeps into my mind more than before.  I’ve never been married and I never need to be; however, I want the closeness of one… to be the one that they can depend on and I on them.  Not someone to dominate me, nor someone to serve me.. but someone to walk with me.  I’ve seen many beautiful relationships… and I’ve viewed those relationships that can only render a serious head shake.  I’m not looking to replicate any one particular relationship.. but, to create my own and have much of it just unfold on its own.

Have you ever noticed the elderly couple that looks as if they had just met and yet you know based on how they interact with one another… they’ve been together for years?  The beauty of their love of so many years appears as fresh as spring… This is what I want, not now… years later after we’ve spent many years before just as giddy as we were the day we fell in love…. Ah, dare to dream, yet, I believe that this is not a dream, it is possible, it just takes the right combination of him and her.

There are many people who can become an immediate interest, similar to a flash-bang of the ATF; however, they’re just as quick to fizzle out. Then there are those that simply do not have the internal personality to stir a bowl of soup…. their personalities are limp and their outlooks are sour.  I think the word ‘special’ is overused; however, I’m starting to see its true meaning. I’m more than fine to not be everyone’s special someone… and trust me, there are a host of people who are not mine…. I know a lot of people; however, knowing of someone is far from ‘knowing’ them… that category is far smaller.  I enjoy learning about those I am close to.  I try to share all about me without my over excitement to share taking over.  I am always appreciative of those who choose to share whatever they want with me.  Rarely do I stand with expectation…. I prefer to just be there to listen….

I believe that certain words have been so overused that their true meaning loses it luster.  I am taking my own personal initiative to restore that word and others…. by connecting their true meaning to my feelings. At this current writing I feel that I’m falling for someone.. quicker than ever before; however, it feels so right!  I fear it only because it’s new……my feet are on the ground and I know that this is so much more than lust or a flash-bang.

I’ve tried many times to meet just one special person and many times it has blown-up in my face or simply fizzled out, yet, I am far from discouraged, they simply were NOT the person for me.

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