Many romantics will recall this line in the movie “You’ve Got Mail” – this is still a dream of mine. Yes, I have him in mind; however, he has yet to come forward in that particular light again. I could ‘force’ it, yes, as I have done in past; however, that will inevitably render the same result as it has and that is NOT what I am looking for.
I have had that dream of someone else for quite some time; however, up until now an image has not surfaced. I have said that I would not make plans before there’s even a reason, yet, it’s hard because I can still remember how it felt to be ‘with’ him. Not just in the same room or on the phone as friends.. but, with, with him. I have had a hard time this weekend although I’ve kept busy, it was difficult to know that I could call, yet, needed to refrain. I went on with my own business and it was nice, yet, I wanted that invitation….or at the very least to feel as if he wanted to see me, yet… nothing.
I need to remind myself that we had some wonderful moments, our goodbye was drawn out, yet, it was clear that it was a goodbye. I am now faced with just going on as if I have been prior to Christmas and should we come together again…then we will; however, this time I need to step out of the driver’s seat. I do not mean that I will let him drive me…but, I do need to wait. He treats me like a Princess when I am with him, small things, getting my door, helping me to the truck and just making sure I have what I need; however, a Princess needs to be just that. Not the troll, waiting under the bridge for his call. This is going to be hard as I take new steps, I need to remember that I have other fires burning and they, too need my attention.
One of the most difficult situations is to be with someone familiar yet to have things be different. Yes, he is there; however, we are not defined right now and it would be ridiculous to try, yet, undefined leaves a lot for the unsure imagination to run rampant with. I want to know, yet, this is part of the new journey. If I were told today and did not like the answer… then, I would want to not know. I am sure this circular thinking is causing me some additional stress; however, I would not be me if I did not add a little wtf to the moment.
I could not meet up with Mr. DEAR, yet, I tried without making it sound dramatic. I had thought that we would get together Sunday; however, at the last minute he canceled and I said… OK, I tried to avoid this; however, we cannot date anymore. Yes, I did it in a text message. Shame on me; however, unlike texts that I’ve received in past, I was there to give answers etc. Yet, his inquiry as to why was more or less nonchalant. I knew this would be the result which is part of the reason as to why I did it the way I did. I am not breaking it off with Mr. DEAR for Mr. Cute; however, I simply cannot juggle people. I refuse to.
I am single. I have been and in truth… it is what I’ve known, yet, there is the dream of someone else….