Unknown

By now I should realize that all of the thinking, worrying and fear will inevitably be for nothing… irrespective of the outcome all of this time spent has absolutely no benefit.  I am driving myself crazy and for what purpose… since I am keeping my things to myself, well, with the exception of this writing… in essence Mr. Cute has no idea what it is that I am going through now.  In truth, if he did… would he care, understand…attempt to comfort?  Wait, don’t answer that.  The real point of this writing is for me… to begin to see that despite what I may feel and/or how I ‘handle’ things.. has no bearing on what he may or may not do.  I wake-up each morning hoping that there’s a text or a missed call… I psych myself up to not expect it, yet, when it is clear that there is nothing there… I am sad.  I totally understand that ALL of this is self-inflicted and for what purposes, benefit – reason.  I can drive myself into a stir pretty easy.

When I think about how it is that I am feeling.. I am doing everything in my power to stop it or at the very least hasten the pain.  To no avail I am still one step away from mass hysteria tears.  Why?  Well, although my feelings are valid… the reasons that these feelings exist are trivial, at best and in truth assumptions without any real facts or answers.  Why would anyone do this to themselves?  Well, I cannot say for sure… I know that this is somehow a choice, even though I wish I knew the serum to reverse the choice.  I know that only I have the power to overcome this and in truth… only I have the power to see the things as they are – Unknown.

Unknown is a hard place for me.  I have spent the better part of my life in the know; however, at this stage, I am in the dark.  Yet, in the same paragraph I must say that I am clear on who I am.. what I am feeling and where my heart is; however, my dark view is what’s on his paper.  Trying to ascertain what he is thinking is pointless, yet, try as I might, I am doing it or at the very least trying.  It puzzles me how I can know something and despite that knowledge I attempt to do it anyway.  How crazy is that?

Yes, I want to hear from him; however, when he calls, reaches out.. what is it that he will say?  Is there fear in that?  Yes.  Why?  Not sure. It’s difficult to be this wobbly, when so many other areas of my life are cool, calm & collected.  I feel out of control and yet, at the same time I realize that as long as I am true to myself, I will inevitably land on my feet.

There are some things that have been known as of this update; however, they will be revealed at a later time.  I do not intend to leave you in the dark as long as it appears I was destined to be; however…. things have changed and now, I have a little ‘know’ in my pocket.

It is an incredible place to have a little knowledge… as they have said “knowledge is power” and I am feeling pretty powerful at this particular moment!

On the playlist this morning as well as others quite similar…..

If you have never watched this video or heard this song, you simply have to listen/watch it.  Time will heal all wounds; however, music can help you get through it a little better and this very cute young lady has a great video and song for a little bit of pep to those that have been let down by love… I encourage you to listen to it!

Giddy On Up (Laura Bell Bundy)

Woo hoo!

Baby where you been, it’s half past ten.
Oh, look you’re late again.
Busy day, got a lot on your mind?
You should hear about mine.
A tall drink of water and a pretty little thing
Were kissing on the corner in the pouring rain.
Turned my head to get a better view
Oh Lord, help me it was you.

Didn’t love me
I ain’t no fool
Didn’t love me
No, no, no, no.
Love, love you let me down
Making this too easy
Love, Love you let me down
Think you should be leaving
Love, love you let me down
Let me down
No you won’t string me along
You better be moving on
Giddy on up
Giddy on out

(Oh I ain’t finished. Sit back down.)

Been acting pretty strange, didn’t want to talk.
Mmm, there’s a pep in your walk
Smiling a lot when you look at your phone
There’s a change in your tone.
I’ve been through your pockets and smelled your shirts
I don’t wear Bath and Body Works
Should’ve seen the signs you were sneakin’ around
She must be the number on the napkin I found.

Didn’t love me
I ain’t no fool
Didn’t love me
No, no, no, no.
Love, love you let me down
Making this too easy
Love, Love you let me down
Think you should be leaving
Love, love you let me down
Let me down
Oh you wont string me along
You better be moving on
Giddy on up
Giddy on out

Oh let me tell you
I guess you could say that I was blind
I was blinded by my love (uh-huh)
I did everything for you
And now push has come to shove
So let’s call the spade to spade
Was it worth the price you paid? (uh-uh)
Now I am done, I’m the lucky one
And you can sleep in the bed you’ve made.

Didn’t love me
I ain’t no fool
Didn’t love me
No, no, no, no.
Love, love you let me down
Making this too easy
Love, Love you let me down
Think you should be leaving
Love, love you let me down
Let me down
Oh you wont string me along

Love, love you let me down
Making this too easy
Love, Love you let me down
Think you should be leaving
Love, love you let me down
Let me down
You wont string me along
You better be moving on
Giddy on up
Giddy on out

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