What Was I Thinking?

I like to think that I am a pretty smart cookie; however, there are moments in which I want to just step outside of my body and slap myself.  Or perhaps replay the scene in Moonstruck with Cher…

Hearing certain things can be unpleasant; however, the root of the unpleasantness is not in the message but in the truth.  I tend to think that I always have it under control.. that I am well aware of everything around me, including, but not limited to my actions, thoughts, situations and overall standing in the world… but, even I, can trip myself up into a quandary.

There’s a bit of a positive here, after reading several blogs et al, I am happy to report I am not the ONLY one!  Now, being among others can be comforting; however, at the same time it can lead to a few questions of exploration…if I am not the only one, then, is there a fundamental discord in the world causing all of this confusion OR is it perchance that women like to be in a quandary rather than in quagmire.. just what is it exactly?

Here’s what I am referring to… Why do we invent, imagine what is not there?  Yes, I know all about the secret scrolls and yes, I am more than aware that the Universe has a much stronger pull; however, there is also taking the teachings of the Secret Scrolls to a whole new level and that is what I am talking about here.  There’s nothing wrong with envisioning what you want… attracting the things that you desire; however, I do think that if you convince yourself consciously or unconsciously that something is actually real, alive and growing… when in truth it is only getting started.. then you’re in a quandary, quagmire or simply FUBAR.  This is not healthy nor is it shared by anyone, but you.

As women we tend to over-think, analyze and assume.. all of these things are critically detrimental to the thing, person or situation we have under the microscope.  Yet, we continue to do it.  WHY?

I can visualize with the best of ’em; however, I also want to visualize from a concrete platform.  I do not need to know everything nor would I want to.  I do not need to have it all planned out either; however, I do desire a firm foundation in which to have my visualizations from.  I can make a statement about something, yet, when questioned, even just a little I have no foundation in which to fall back on.  Why is that?  Not quite sure.. hence this post.

When I feel, I feel with my whole head, heart & ego… I do this with everything that I do simply because by me giving anything less… the effort would be tainted.  This is just how I am!

I can have the worst day ever and still feel genuine happiness.. not sure why, but, I can.  I guess when I think about happiness I believe that it must come from within first before it can be enhanced.  This is something that took me years to truly believe.  At one point I thought that it was others who made me happy; however, it wasn’t that.. they added to what I already had.  There are people who bring a smile to my face, just by thought alone; however, they are not the controller or root cause of my initial happiness.  They are an additive!  One that is very sweet; however, if I think about it.. I truly must be happy first before anyone or anything can add to it.  Sure, I can say;

You make me happy…

At face value depending on who you’re speaking to.. it sounds as if they are the sole reason for your happiness, when, in truth they are an addition to what you should already possess.  This should be a given; however, for the literal types, it appears as if it is a dependent statement.

In my opinion, no one can MAKE YOU anything…. sure, someone can do something that hurts, makes you sad or angry; however, as my Father will be the first to say;

If that’s how you choose to feel…

Well, as much as I hated hearing those words… he’s correct.  We choose how we feel… I know that some will say, if you hit me on the hand with a hammer, I am not choosing to feel pain.. I feel actual, pain!  Yes, I get that and that is not what I am talking about… what I am talking about is the feeling you ‘choose’ to have, let’s say if a friend intentionally hit you with a hammer… How do you feel about what they did?  Not, how did it feel to get hit.  Let’s say you ‘think’ or ‘perceive’ that the person did it on purpose?  You may feel anger, resentment, vengeful et al.. Let’s say that you ‘think’ or ‘perceive’ that it was an accident…. You may feel sad for them hurting you or upset with yourself that you gave them the hammer etc.

It all boils down to the 2 things that we can control… Attitude & Perception.

What is my attitude to this situation?

What is my perception to this situation?

These are the most basic questions that should be asked of any situation if you want to get a clear picture.

Now, I just need to walk the talk and do it myself…

In truth, I find it easier and more poetic to say that the only 2 things that we can control are attitude & perception; however, when asking the questions, you need to reverse them…

What is my perception to this situation? – In order to have an ‘attitude’ you need to first KNOW what the situation really is.. you need to establish your perception of the situation.  Here are a few tips on how to accurately do this.

  1. First determine what the situation is.
  2. Only reference what you actually KNOW, not what you feel, think and/or assume.
  3. Reflect on what you come up with in #2 and then re-state the ‘situation’ based solely on the facts.
  4. Once you KNOW what the situation truly is.. then and only then can you have an ‘attitude’ about it.

I am not using the word attitude as something negative.. for the purposes here attitude is neither positive nor negative.. it boils down to HOW you are going to HANDLE, REACT or ACCEPT the situation as it truly is.

  1. With factual knowledge of what the situation is, you are then able to accurately ‘react’ or arrive at your attitude i.e. how you are going to handle, react, accept or reject the situation… there’s NO other logical way to do this.

If you were to seek medical attention for a broken arm and the Doctor came into the room and immediately wanted to do a rectal exam.. you would surely want to STOP THEM before they went ahead or behind, I should say.  Why?  Because a rectal exam is NOT what you’re in there for… Your arm is broken.  

In sales, you need to know what the buyer wants, before you can ‘sell’ them something.  If the buyer wants a new car and you’re a Yogurt salesman.. it does not matter how slick you are… he’s not going to buy a car from you and your whole spiel is a wasted effort.  Yes, you may get him to purchase a Yogurt; however, you’re not able to satisfy his car purchase need.  

Here’s where I need to step into the shoes of my own words and do this exercise.  I have had something running rampant in my mind; however, it’s not the actual situation that has been going Speedy Gonzales through my head.. it’s the lack of doing the 4 things above…. so all of the assumptions, feelings and thinking are what are log-jamming my thoughts right now.. UGH!  Calgon take me away!

Here goes.. pen to paper, so-to-speak, I am taking the mirror out and looking right at it.

  1. What is the situation? – (Perception) I have known ______ for less than a _________(period of time) and (Attitude) I would like to get to know him more.
  2. KNOWN FACTS:  We’ve been talking/seeing one another for less than a ________ (period of time).
  3. I have known _____ for less than a _________ (period of time).
  4. I would like to get to know ______ more.

OK, now here’s what happened off screen… I started to write down a ton of stuff; however, when put to the FACT test of what I actually knew to be AND keeping my focus specific on the situation rather than trying to add all the assumptive filler, I came up with something pretty mundane/basic, yet TOTALLY on the money… If you hold your imagination to the fire, you are bound to come up with something factual, something understandable and something that warrants an ‘attitude’ of which you can then ‘act’ or not act on.

By doing this very simple, yet, stringent exercise, I have a clearer picture of how I see something that once was very busy, cloudy and in truth, driving me a bit silly.  I may not love what I’ve come up with; however, in bite size chunks even an elephant can be eaten.

So, with all of this review.. what’s my attitude:  I would like to get to know him more.

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