Withdrawal

We have not broken up; however, I have found myself in ‘giving him space’ mode… this time, he did not ask for it, yet, his treatment definitely warranted an out.  I’ve been absolutely thrilled about this man because he is different, an against the grain type gent; however, one of his traits has become abundantly apparent and that is… when he is in a mood, he can be as cold as ice.  He is as polite as he can be, yet, I do not see that twinkle in his eye.  I am not expecting him to be elated when he is feeling moody; however, civil respect should never been compromised.  I think that’s what has hurt most of all.  Sure, I tried to be cutesy, not to undermine what he had going on….but, to lighten the moment.  He stared with cold eyes.

In getting to know someone of course, you want all of the great stories, the laughter and the overall butterfly feeling; however, as a realist I know that there are moments in which that energy simply cannot be conjured up; however, in that same light I would like to believe that we could still muster up enough care to be civil.

I do care about this person and I sincerely love him for who he is at his core; however, there have been 2 situations in which he has been distant.  The first was definitely understandable.. he had one idea and I had another.  This was quickly solved with a hard truth and my ability to give him a little space.  The second appearance is a little harder to stomach as I have done absolutely nothing wrong.  He is not blaming me; yet, his actions or non-actions could easily be interpreted as otherwise.  I am making my own disclaimer… in this particular situation I am white as rice.

He has made a major change and it is affecting him physically & mentally i.e. quitting smoking.  As a smoker, I’ve tried in past and it has made me crazy, I can remember all I did was cry, until a dear friend told me to light up!  Everyone is different and in truth, not only do we handle addiction a particular way, but, it goes without saying that we all cope a little differently.  I am trying very hard to chalk up his current behavior to nicotine withdrawal and for the time being that is what I am going to go with.  I have to.

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