Whine & Spirits

I’ve never been much of a drinker; however, I struggle with alcohol and the role it has played in my life.  When dating I know I always felt uneasy about someone who did not drink and yet 9 times out of 10 I wasn’t drinking either – but, I could have.  I suppose it has to do with how I see so many people taken over by alcohol, whereas I can do it or not and not really care either way.  Do I look at my ability to take it or leave it as a power that  many others do not have?  Do I have an issue with it because I have seen the destruction it can cause when self-control is nowhere to be found?  Do I have a right to look at what someone else does and make a judgement or do I simply ignore their actions and keep my eyes on my own paper?  I know in past I’ve had great times with a cocktail or two, yet, I’ve also had horrendous nights watching someone down 1.75 of Jack with absolutely no hesitation.  I am far from uptight or dud-like, yet, despite the successful out in the open functioning alcoholics… the fact remains I struggle with wondering where I really stand.  Some would say if you do not know where you stand go somewhere else, yet, part of tells me I am right where I belong.  I have felt second, I have felt as if it was the bottle before the girl and then there are other moments where I see their struggle, their pain, their excuses and still I wonder.  If given the choice what or who would they choose?  How powerful can something be that allows one to lose what they hold most dear only to realize you are not the most dear?


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